Grieving

On Tuesday evening, I had dinner with a good friend. This lady is strong as vinegar; been through so much in her life, yet she maintains an air of serenity and dignity. Until Tuesday evening. She said, "I'm not in a very good spiritual condition lately." Hmmm. That's just what I posted on the Lupies site the other day....I think. I told her I would listen, as I had no words of wisdom to give to her; no advice. Just listen with my heart. Two of our mutual friends are gone from our lives....hers more than mine, friends, I mean. Our friend Tina died of pneumonia in the hospital; we attended her funeral about a month ago. Another friend, Nancy, has been bundled up and flown to MD, by her kids, as they are afraid of her growing Alzheimer's. We probably won't see her again, if her kids have anything to do with it. (Snort.) So, what's been brewing in my muddled mind is: We're both grieving over our recent losses, and I'll add one more item: Grief about growing old-er. Nothing I can do about that. But I hate the "infirmities" of old-er age. My friend likes to sit in a booth, but man, how hard it was for me to haul my butt out of the booth. I'll have to remember I suggest a table next time we go eat together. We used to go places at the drop of a hat, excited about antique -ing. Finding new places along the road. Now, I have to consider how I'm doing that day -- never mind planning in advance. What I think is going on with both of us is not so much grieving over the loss of our friends, but also grieving over our former selves. And here I thought I had done that already! But with lupus, when it sneaks back like a thief in the night, I get blind-sided. Again, I have to go through the grieving process. And that sucks.

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