Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lady GaGa and Lupus?

Enough, already with the "news" that this entertainer "might" have lupus. Her interview with Larry King recently shed no new light on her "condition."

That's probably a good thing, in my opinion. I mean, those of us who suffer from SLE or lupus are kind of like Rodney Dangerfield: We don't get no respect.

I mean, we don't look sick. Nobody really understands what this aut0immune disorder is doing to our insides while our outsides look disgustingly healthy -- meaning, mostly, FAT. Yeah, we are mostly plump, at least while we are taking corticosteroids. They relieve the swelling that causes us such pain, all right, but they promote uncontrollable eating, like there is no tomorrow. When I was taking cortisone, my doctor commented on my rapid weight gain. "What can I do to prevent this?" I asked innocently.

His reply: "Padlock the refrigerator." Huh. Fat lot of good (pardon the pun) that did. It's one of those "You pays your money and you takes your choice" -- either hurt or gain weight.

If Lady GaGa does have lupus, and undergoes treatment, can you imagine what she would look like? No more svelte figure clad in skin-tight costumes. Puffy face looking like a chipmunk who has stored all his winter nuts in his cheeks. Despite the euphoria steroids can bring, there is also an unrelenting fatigue, so she won't be able to circle in the air while singing upside down any more. Or even get out of bed, for that matter.

No, I don't wish her to have lupus, despite my being so snarky. I wouldn't wish our disease on anybody, and I said the same thing when it was rumored that Michael Jackson had lupus. I'm just saying, I wouldn't want a celebrity that is so "out there" in appearance and lifestyle to be our spokesperson, ostensibly representing us common folk. We're misunderstood enough, without the vision of "strange" being added to the perception.

Yet who should represent us? I'd like to see a really famous person with lupus stand up for us. I mean, a "normal" person, like --- well, like me. Some people who know me well might argue that I'm not entirely "normal" but at least I'm not one who is in the celebrity spotlight for performing in sequins or upside down on a trapeze.

But I could do it. I could get famous from -- well, writing and selling my books by the millions. Then I could report that, uh, I actually have systemic lupus erythematosus, and I'd be interviewed and would give honest, heart-felt answers to reporters questions.

So please help me in my campaign to represent all lupus sufferers by doing the following:

Buy my books. Go to my website: and buy:

Sabbath's Gift; Sabbath's House; The Women of Camp Sobingo; Forces of Nature; and My Ashes of Dead Lovers Garage Sale. All from Vanilla Heart Publishing. Two other books, non-fiction, are available on Once a Brat, the story of my life as a Military Brat; and Diagnosis:Lupus: The Intimate Journal of a Lupus Patient. I'm re-writing both of those books, btw and they will be under the Vanilla Heart imprint like the others.
Buy for everybody you know, for birthdays, Christmas, Mothers Day, any holiday. Graduates might like copies. Newlyweds might appreciate something to read on their honeymoon. Email everybody you know and browbeat them into buying multiple copies of my books. Better yet, if you have Hollywood connections, tell them my books would make great movies or made for t.v. series. Flood with reviews of all my books listed there, and send copies directly to everyone you know plus your mailman, your favorite store get the idea.

Then, when you see my shiny, round little face on a Lupus Foundation Public Service Announcement, you can turn to your companions (if you have any left!) and brag: "I knew her before she got famous."



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